Sustainable Happiness: Reflecting Light and Love

Neurocircuitry of Nosis

2011-04-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

I am in his class at least every other day. The most intriguing yoga teacher I have found here in NYC, Dechen Thurman. Generally he closes class with a ten minute seated meditation. At times we sit in silence, and other times he rambles on as we focus on the breath or third eye center. This particular night was one of those ramble-on nights. I deeply enjoy his monotone babble, it affects me much more than I realize, as I sit in a puddle of sweat from the last hour and half grueling vinyasa practice. During his conversation with himself, this particular evening, Dechen said something along the lines of,

“How many of us remember things how we want them to be?...

You are retelling a story to a friend, and you are excitedly explaining a confrontation you had with a co-worker. You say, you said this…and then your co-worker said this… and then you wanted to say this, but you didn’t. When you retell your friend the story you tell it as if you did say that awesome comeback, and the tone of your voice implies ‘TAKE THAT! HA!”

I huge smile came to my face, my yoga teacher just called me out! I have most certainly done that. I never mean to lie or embellish the story, but in the heat of the moment the rewritten story just comes out of your mouth as truth. What is this all about? I didn’t even have time to consciously edit the story. My mind selected the edited version, as if it really happened. “In a sense, when we remember something, we recreate a new memory” Johnson pg. 46. I rewrote history as I was reliving the story and telling my friend all about it. “Some scientists now believe that memories effectively get rewritten every time they’re activated, thanks to a process called reconsolidation.” Johnson pg. 46 What does this mean about my memory? How did the event really go down, if each time I remember a previous life event, I experience something different? How credible are my faculties of perception, or even my recollection of perception? For instance when remembering a previous love relationship, or a horrific event in the past we can experience physical sensations in the body from the remembrance of this memory. If we rewrite memories, do we have the mental power to rewrite our associations to the past? “Memories transform our perception of the present, but the process is even more nuanced and layered than that: reactivating memories in a new context changes the trace of memory itself.” Johnson pg. 46.

Memories and leaned behaviors affect how we interact with the world in the present moment. Our associations with the past is exactly who we are. Every time we relive the stimulus retracing the neurocircuitry of a past event, it becomes reshaped because of the existing subtle differences in our mind, body and environment. If these two ideas hold true, then we have the power to simulate the memory of a past event and change our associations by controlling the present stimulus that is filtered through our sense organs and brain. Sounds like a bazaar matrix-like sci-fi experiment. The baffling thing is spiritual seekers, monks, and sages have been activating this same concept through meditation and spiritual practices for thousands of years.

Yasodhara Ashram is a magical place situated in the West Kootaney’s of British Columbia on Kootaney Lake. The ashram’s founder a female of the Saraswati lineage, Swami Sivananda Radha. Swami Sivananda of Rishikesh, her Guru told her to return to the west and communicate the truth of yogic teachings to westerners. With no money, and no plan she left India to live the words of her Guru. While living at Yasodhara Ashram in 2009 I learned a walking meditation tactic called The Straight Walk. The guidelines that outline the practice of the straight walk are vague for a reason. The practitioner has optimum space to observe the mind and body. Start at point A and walk to point B. Turn your back at point B, and then walk back to point A. The object is to walk towards, and then away from ‘something’, while observing how the mind and body interacts in the space between point A and point B. The walk takes place in intervals determined by the practitioner; five-minute walk between the points, and then a five-minute free write of your experience. Repeated as many times as the practitioner sees fit. The yogi becomes the scientist and the experiment simultaneously.

My name is Susan Ashley Hunt, and I am a recovering bulimic. I avoided therapy at all costs throughout high school and college. I convinced myself it would not work for me, and I had to heal myself. I was living with my parents, and at a very low moment about three years into the emotionally sick habit, my mother found food and purge reminisce in my toilet boil. I hadn’t cleaned it well enough, and she noticed when she was in my bathroom. With nowhere else to turn she threatened to kick me out of the house and put me in a rehabilitation center. I slowed the habit down, in order to not be caught again until I went back to school. I graduated college, unhappy with a distorted view of my reality and myself. Yoga and its healing power lead me to Yasodhara Ashram, to live and participate in yoga development course.

Swami Sivanada, a resident teacher at Yasodhara Ashram described the straight walk with clarity and then said, “Now go do it.” As I ran to a quite place, I knew exactly what I was going to walk towards and away from. Point A would be a healthy, happy, smiling version of myself. Point B would be me, on my knees, with my head over the toilet, bottom of the toothbrush down my throat, purging with tears running down my face. Johnson points out the process of memory recollection is layered and very complicated. That was most definitely the truth, all I know is when times get rough I turn to binging and purging. It is the action that satiates my mind, when layered conflict, and undecipherable emotions arise in life. This is precisely the reason I chose the situation for the straight walk. Here I was in the woods, in the middle of nowhere, confronting the biggest issue in my life. I visualized the memory, reliving it, in a controlled circumstance, where I gave myself the space to observe.

The hour walk was filled with strong sensations, epiphanies, low points and an array of emotions.“Conscious control over the emotions is weak, emotions can flood the consciousness. This is so because the wiring of the brain at this point in our evolutionary history is such that connections from the emotional systems to the cognitive systems are stronger than connections from the cognitive systems to the emotional systems.” Le Doux, pg. 19. Reliving the purging memory in a different stage of life, delegates the power of association to the cognitive system of JUDGEMENT FREE AWARENESS. As the scientist, I was conducting a controlled experiment, and this time the variable was not being overwhelmed by emotions, the variable was the present moment. As I walked I let myself feel, digest and understand what drove me to binge. As I walked toward a happy thriving image of myself I wired my brain to develop a healthy self-image. Walking between these two points demonstrated the progression that lead to each state, giving me the power recognize either mental trajectory in the present moment. The straight walk allows the emotional systems and the cognitive systems to function in equilibrium. Restoring the power of choice, we have the choice to choose who we are in every present moment. Who we are no longer is has to be dictated by associations to the past. All we have is NOW.

By: S. Ashley Hunt

Check out these books and links:

- Mind Wide Open: Your Brain and the Neuroscience of Everyday Life By: Steven Johnson

- The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life By: Joseph LeDoux

- Link to Straight Walk Workshops @ Yasodhara Ashram

http://www.yasodhara.org/courses-retreats/

A Blind Date With My Yoga Mat

2011-04-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

Life became this balancing act of knowing myself as a social being in one out dated context, and who I wanted to be in a social sphere from here on out. Of course always factoring in room for change and development in a cyclical approach, which is easier said than done at times. It became a battle in my mind of what acquired traits and karmic attributes to utilize in what moment. I am sure we have all had this experience in many differing contexts, and generally each moment calls upon different aspects of self. How we make that choice is pulled from a storehouse of synthetic knowledge if we do not act from a place of awareness.

For example going on several first dates with different people. So much is happening, your mind and body are exposed to thousands of different stimuli and your discriminating faulty prompts you to respond differently in each situation. If you were sitting across the table from your date at a five star restaurant, sipping champagne you generally would not slouch with your legs open and itch your armpit. If you were at a baseball game with a date and he was throwing back beers yelling at the catcher, you might feel more inclined to slouch with your legs open, and have a field day with an endless supply of hotdogs. Which is the better date? What scenario do you have more fun in? The answer changes of course.

Does this mean you morph into a different person at every moment? Does whom you are depend on the context? A back and forth interplay, where each influence is equally valid, and asks the psyche to evolve accordingly. What if we studied the cross-cultural development of yoga with this methodology? Eastern, Western, ancient, and modern influences are all equally applicable, and how did these influences shape one’s own practice of yoga?

But even in the first date scenario, there are parts you that act as adhesive, they hold you together, they hold you up as a human, they make you who you are. The practice of yoga in a modern context is exactly the same way, how can we enlighten ourselves of yoga’s innate core, by further understanding it’s simply complex evolutionary process. My thought is shedding light upon what formed the entity we call modern spiritual yogic practice will allow a practitioner to truly adhere to the philosophical pillars that support yoga. With this encompassingly exclusive knowledge the way yoga is taught in North America may even change as well. If modern society were aware of the multi-dimensional factors at play in the process of practicing yoga, could we practice with more authenticity, highlighting yoga’s transformational core? This question alone has prompted me to examine the history of modern yoga, in order to develop my own self-practice and teaching methods. Right now North America and Yoga were just set up on a blind date, and it has not quite been decided if a second date is in the cards. We just aren’t aware.

Urban Zen Integrative Therapy Program

2011-03-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

David Life: Jivamukti Master Class Jan 2011

2011-03-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

The 841 Broadway street doors of Jivamukti open to a wide range of students, men, women, artists, celebrities, college students, all ages and races. Students slip off their shoes in a “fur free zone”, and quickly turn the corner to the three large studios. Attempting to get into the studio a few minutes early to claim their space and arrange their mat and props. The downtown studio that I frequent is a picturesque scene of yoga in North America. A booming business, no doubt, every class filled offered almost every hour of the day, the karma yogis (class check-in volunteers) at the desk always asking if you would like to renew your class package.

Sharon Gannon and David Life the founders of Jivamukti Yoga have always been on my radar. I enjoy the rigorous vinyasa classes offered at the downtown studio, and I lived in Woodstock, NY last summer where the American guru’s call their yoga ranch home. This January was the first time I had ever taken a master class from the founders of the Jivamukti method. My thought is we meet a teacher, when the time is right in both of our lives. At that point our karmic attributes have met on a plane of equilibrium. I have something to learn from that teacher, or from my own experience of the teacher’s teaching.

Before entering the master class with David Life, I knew I was carrying previous ideas and baggage about, what is Jivamukti yoga. I clearly had formulated these assumptions about the practice, and the studio, I often attend when I become unmotivated in my own self-study. My clever and tricky mind immediately imposed these concepts I had formed about the downtown studio, and the Jivamukti method, upon its founders before I had even taken a class with David Life himself. As I looked around at the other yogis in the class, most of them wearing “yoga culture” Jivamukti logo tanktops, chatting and rubbing china gel on their necks, thoughts swirling around in my head…

“He must be very charismatic to have this much of a following!”

“Maybe he and Sharon aren’t charismatic at all, just brilliant business minds”

“I thought Guru’s had to be enlightened beings, and here I am in a group of over 100 people that are calling this man, their guru, or have taken him as their teacher.”

“Is he enlightened?!?!? No, I do not think so, he doesn’t look like it. WOULD I EVEN KNOW? ”

“He looks like Steven Tyler hopped up on pranyama”

“Look around Ash, see what everyone else is doing, do you even feel comfortable here?”

I was very disoriented for the first twenty minutes of the three hour class. As I began to tune into my own practice, acknowledge my mental state, and focus on my ujjayi rhythm I began to more honestly interpret my experience, and the teachings of David Life. Inhale upward facing dog, exhale downward facing dog. David’s raspy rock star voice and thumbing reggae beats were passing through my physical form and I no longer was looking around frantically trying to answer what seemed to be a pressing mental dialogue. The asana class was basic and beautifully focused. Often Jivamukti teachers instruct a fast paced, intricate flow of inversions, arm balances, binds, challenging standing poses, followed by a serious of heart openers. David’s class, centered and challenging. He called upon each of us to explore our alignment, right down to the pinky toe. He was not directing the class in terms of right and wrongs but rather encouraging adjustment that deepens one’s own understanding of their body and mind in the posture. He emphasized the subjectively of practice, each body has a different expression of an asana, that facilitates one’s own well being and self-transformation.

After the consecutive sequence of asanas ending with a music filled savasana and a warming heart mediation. We all gathered around the center podium, where David called upon students with differing body types to demonstrate the same posture. As he pointed out points of resistance in his students bodies, minds, and psyches he kept a light-hearted, engaging, somewhat sarcastic dialogue with the entire group. Laughter and learning weaved itself in and out of the visual demonstration of asana.

With the time reaming David opened the floor for questions and discussion. It always baffles me when students get up and leave class right before savasana. To me that’s the culmination of the class. Here we all are open, receptive and inquisitive and David has opened the floor for us as students to engage in a conversation with the man thousands of American yogis call their “teacher”. A little under a half of the master class began to pack up their mats and props and headed out. That is like walking out on savasana! Who wants to miss utter relaxation, or a heart to heart conversation with a teacher? On the upside it left a more intimate group to engage with David. This is the point where I truly saw David Life communicate and live the teachings I have heard being communicated at the downtown Jivamukti studio. I had seen him talk the talk through advertisement, kirtan recordings, teachings, the studio itself, other Jivamukti teachers, word of mouth and so on. Here I was observing the yoga mogul in person and my scrutinizing eye, and limited perception was OPENED. He walked the walk. The manner in which David spoke with his students removed the Jivamukti method, and David Life from the self-created box I had labeled Jivamukti Yoga.

Many questions where asked of David, everything from confronting attachment, veganism, his take on yoga and its newfound popularity, to dropping acid and celibacy. David Life’s responses were heavy with the vibrations of calm and humble. Yoga scripture and philosophy can appear to be very strict and confining. David’s relaxed, creative and artistic approach to teaching beautifully translated yogic ideas into a relevant sphere. He answered from a deep place in his own heart, from example and years of practice. David empowers his students by exemplifying the relevance of these teachings. The progressive and inspired message David conveyed in that January NYC master class prompted his students to deepen one’s level of self-inquiry, while living responsibly.

Check out the class sched:

http://www.jivamuktiyoga.com/fms/index.html

VISIONARY

2010-10-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

THOR PART I :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYMW9wnzFP8&sns=em

THOR PART II:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjQe-GuRdPY&feature=related

the peep hole

2010-10-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

THE PEEP HOLE

Objective observation of the internal leads to an objective view of the external resulting in balance, equilibrium and happiness. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. Change the view of the self and one changes their relationship to their own reality. How we see the rest of the world is how we see ourselves. Uplift your own well-being and uplift the entire globe. Most of us are completely unaware of the circumstances, judgments and perceptions we are react from. When the cloud of ignorance is thick it obstructs the individuals discriminating faculties. The cloud of ignorance becomes denser the more we look outside of ourselves and take on concepts and ideas created by others. This ignorance becomes a prison, and we loose control of our own lives and the power of choice. We can no longer manifest positive future circumstances and become the people we want to be. We are all witness to the cloud of ignorance that creates darkness.

How do we lift this cloud? Only with sustainable effort. It takes 21 days to make and break a habit, to form a new path of synapse connections in the brain. Commit to do some simple thing a day, for 21 days... chant, light a candle, sit in silence for 5 minutes or anything that works for your practice. Let the answer reveal itself in the practice you have committed yourself to.

Greener pastures, Really?

2010-09-29T07:20:00.001-07:00

Greener pastures, Really?

Constantly being aware of...

The grass is greener on the other side syndrome

The mind is easily dissatisfied, and has an insatiable appetite for MORE

When in reality we have all that we NEED.

Chuck Klosterman PLEASE HIRE ME

2010-07-23T13:42:00.000-07:00

Let me Get REAL WIT YOU.

What does this saying imply? that means I would have been fake to begin with. Anyways, who really knows? This is what happened to me today and its something I just cannot deny.

Friday a day off, and on my day off I decided I needed to get my life together and do some laundry. Naturally I am delaying the process by making every unnecessary stop in the world, coffee shop and then Barnes and Nobles followed by Bed Bath and Beyond to purchase a pen with a duck head eraser.

I walk into Barnes and Nobles with no conscious purpose. B&N just makes you want to buy a book. I start looking around, browse the biographies “Who as a more interesting life than me!?”. I purposely stay away from the spirituality section because I always go right there because that’s where I a comfortable. But not this morning I am pushing my comfort zone. It’s all about the small victories. Fiction, Art, History my eyes scan the little green signs. I stop in the cultural studies section. I pull a few books off the shelf and read the back and what not. I pull one off the shelf and open it randomly. About three quarters in it is talking about how in Germany no one fake laughs. They only laugh if they think something is really funny but no one laughs out of politeness.

Fake laughing is one of my biggest pet peeves. I always try to do it, but instead of this cute little laugh that I am trying to achieve my annoyance shines through and it ends up being this bitchy, eye rolling, shut the fuck up masked over with a false attempt of amusement. I have found that last sentence is a combination to turn anyone away quick. But I just can’t seem to help it. After all of this inner dialogue was sparked, from reading just these three sentences; I looked at the cover and decided this would be my purchase Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman.

I am not going to lie, this was the first I had ever heard of you. I left the store and went to the laundry mat. I was ready to go now, because I could READ/THINK. So here I am sitting in this laundry mat.

Got my headphones on doing my laundry mat thing. Very engaged in your book, mostly thinking… Do I agree, yes, no…this sounds like my own mental dialogue. From one thing to another, gaps and connections in a weird space, time web. Hardly linear but has the component of, dddduuuhhhh? The duuuhh factor is the first thing to be over looked. It is so simple it is hard.

On pg. 4 you ask

“What is the psychological directive that makes and unanswered question discomforting?”

Ok I have to tell you what just happened. I have been on and off binging and purging my food since I was 18 and I am 24 now. Nothing good or bad about it, it is just what is in my life. For the last two years I have been watching it. From my own experience our biggest demons in life are also our biggest gifts. Start from what you know my teacher says, and what I know is what I experience.

On pg. 4 again Errol Morris is talking about privileged access. “My mind resides somewhere inside myself. That being the case one would assume I have privileged access to it…I think we are engaged in a constant battle to figure out who we are.”

Only I can figure out, who I am. As I am writing this letter to you, I was scarfing down almond butter and jelly sandwiches. I suddenly had the worst stomach ache and all of the sudden I needed to puke. I just purged up all of the sandwiches. I can tell you one thing I have observed from when my purging arises and its when that part of myself that clings to the projection of who I am, the part of me that wants to be safe and not push and boundaries, that part that thinks it has all the questions answered and convinces me of that, that part is fighting for its life. I am all of those things and none of those things.

I now read this chain of events as a sign in my waking life that I am getting close to something that produces a plethora of unanswered questions. It’s that space of discomfort where one can break the static vortex of bondage. It is this place where I know I can get out my swipe card to privileged access.

All of this happened while reading the first four pages of your book. This is what I am trying to say with all of this babble. Who knows how one becomes at ease with unanswered questions? We will never know until we enter that space over and over again. Each time we come out of that space we ask why with curiosity and build awareness, and we still might never know. I have been on a quest for Susan Ashley Hunt for the last seven years. Time is a trippy thing, who really even knows how long, but that’s what my rational mind tells me.

I have strayed from my initial intention. Getting back to it…

Whatever I do with this life I want to prompt people and myself to meet oneself and each other in that place of ASKING WHY, that place of utter confusion. Sure enough conditioning and emotional responses will follow, but the next step can become observation and getting to know oneself resulting in equilibrium. Even as I write these words I am thinking they are crap to myself. It is so hard to explain, but I felt it and experienced it while I was reading Eating a Dinosaur.

I want to learn, grow, experience, expand.

Here it comes…

Can I please work for you!?

I have no journalism experience. I studied Hinduism and Buddhism at Trinity College. Right now I am living in Woodstock, NY and am moving back to the city in August. I want to go back to graduate school. So I think. But we all know how finicky thinking can be. I have this feeling the reason I am moving back is to work for you!

I really have no idea how you will respond to this. I just know when I teach a yoga class ( I have been teaching for 3 years now) I can tell when something is heard. Communication takes on a different quality, and its when both people are coming from that place. I can learn a great deal from you about communication. I can help you in return anyway that you need it.

1 )Coffee go getter

2) Copier engineer … I mean I really think the list is endless. Any space you have for me, would be so gratefully accepted you have no idea.

So my plan is to come and find you in NYC. I just won’t give up. I am committed to this purpose for my life of asking WHY and communication/writing is the vehicle illuminated at this time. This seems like the step that must be taken.

How about an interview?

Light, Love, and Peace

S. Ashley Hunt

Interconnectedness

2010-07-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

Violence in the world comes from violence in the mind.

~ Buddha~

I have been thinking a lot about self-destructive behavior and how it has become the normal pastime amongst youth, young adults and all people. I group myself in this category as well. Why is it fun and socially accepted to reek havoc on our minds and bodies in our free time? Excessive drinking and drugs are relatively normal depending on the circles we run in.

The inspiration for this entry is most definitely from my own experience. I started drinking freshmen year in high school and haven’t looked back since. I just spend 3 days at a music festival, which means it was a 3 day bender. Now here I am back in ‘normal life’ asking myself the question WHY? As I let my body recover.

In my debilitated state today I decided I had enough energy to watch netflix. I found a fabulous documentary on The Buddha narrated by Richard Gere so I decided to watch it. Early in the Buddha’s spiritual life he spent 6 years practicing aestheticism. Aestheticism is extreme degradation of the body, in order to punish the body to see past the vary thing that ties the soul to this world of suffering. Aesthetics engage in one self-destructive behavior after the other. This prompted me to ask the question…

WHEN AND WHY do I engage in self-destructive behavior? What does this outward manifestation of violence I perform on myself have to tell me about the violence going on inside, and in turn to the planet as a whole?

Self- Destructive behavior is socially accepted, smoking, drinking, drugs, starving ourselves to be thin, even working out till we drop to get the bodies we want. Now reflecting on the Buddha’s words “Violence in the world comes from violence in the mind”, social and recreation behavior is self-destructing and violent. This entry’s purpose is by no means to get D.A.R.E on everyone’s ass, because then I would only be being a hypocrite and that’s no way to reach anyone and a sure way to disconnect me from myself.

This entry is to prompt a self-inquiry about what does this self-destruction symbolize in the micro and macrocosms? What are we not happy with in our minds and bodies? Does a sense of dissatisfaction with life and earth cause this behavior? What are we so dissatisfied with?

At some deep level do we want to free ourselves from suffering so the first thing we do to escape is to alter to state of the body?

But the flip side is we owe our lives to our bodies, breath and this earth.

Perception

2010-07-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

When you change the relationship you have with yourself, your relationship changes to the world around you.

Embracing Mind

2010-07-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

Frustration. Sensation. Fascination.

2010-07-10T19:14:00.000-07:00

Frustration. Sensation. Fascination.

Swami Radha calls them spiritual dry spells.

Ever feel caught in a unbreakable cycle?

Repetition week after week, work/weekend same drive everyday?

You find yourself playing the same thoughts, fears, and doubts over and over again in your head?

HOW DO YOU MAKE A CHANGE?

HOW DO YOU GET THINGS MOVING?

Make a choice, start a ritual and put all your energy and sincerity behind it.

Find something that works for you…

Taking Frustration observing it as sensation…

Yes, ok, where is this coming from? You might find the answer and your might not.

And then becoming fascinated by all the different ways you can

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY…

CREATE. THINK. MAKE. CREATE.

AND...I AM BACK

2010-07-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

Pausing to Reflect

2010-06-20T14:24:00.000-07:00

So much gratitude for my loved ones in my life.

Now and Then

2010-06-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

Deal with Now, NOW

and

Later, LATER

PLAN A, B, and C

2010-06-10T07:41:00.001-07:00

YOU ARE NOW

2010-06-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

The person that you want to be, are your thoughts, choices and actions now.

~Swami Radha~

These words help me keep my constantly wondering, judging, over-reactive, doubting, unsatisfied mind in check. Thought and actions both carry the same power. I constantly have to ask myself, What am I sending out there into the universe? How can I direct thought, energy and my actions in the present moment to reveal light, love and joy?

2010-06-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

I was very honest with the love of my life a few days ago. We are no longer together. After much self-inquary I realized I love him, have always loved him. I was not in love with love but feel the realest, most balanced sense of peace and connection with him.

I told him

"I love you, I want to share my life with you. I am in a place now to give myself fully to someone and I want that someone to be you."

He looked at me, and said...

"we feel differently for one another. You are my best friend and thats how I feel."

I sat. This is my best attempt to describe the feeling in words...

I am submerged in a pool of water. I am trying to swim to the top, but instead of cupping my hands and using the resistance to move myself to the surface, my fingers are separated and everything is just slipping right through. I didn't panic or lose hope, because that true love connects me to the source of light just above the surface.

Its that love, that has kept me breathing, living and inspired. Even though the feeling is not returned, its so strong I feel connected to SOMETHING.

I have been trying to process things and my intellect can not seem to make sense of anything. No comprehension, no understanding.

The best way I have found to deal with all of the emotions without letting myself drown in them is to dance! Before I move my physical body, I ask Who Are You Ashley? I look in the mirror and watch myself move. I see in that moment. I am a dancer.

When I let myself sit and my intellect tries to make sense of the feelings "not being returned" I paralyze myself in negative mental chatter, doubt, lack of self-worth and darkness.

When I see myself move, and watch my reflection as I dance it came to my awareness that...

WHO I AM IS HOW I DEAL WITH SITUATIONS IN MY LIFE!

In this situation, I CHOSE TO BE A DANCER.

WHO AM I?

2010-06-03T05:50:00.000-07:00

Everything you are ashamed of, all the parts that you keep secret. Everything you want to change about yourself...

It's who you are. It's your power.

Deny it and you are nothing.

Stillness is the MOVE

2010-05-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

STILLNESS IS THE MOVE

How do we find stillness within, but continue to progress in our live? This is question I have been asking myself a lot lately considering how quickly things can change! Often stillness and motion seem to be in opposition to one another, we need them both in order to create balance in life. The next question is then when am I still and when do I move? This is an ever-growing organic dance that will change from moment to moment. The first step in answering this question is observing when the mind and body is still, agitated, in motion, passive or proactive. After observation, then asking the self when are these states serving me and when are they hindering me from BEING ME!

Here is an example from my own life. I just moved to Woodstock, NY from NYC and here I am telling myself I need to be ‘still’ and surrender. This is a choice/expectation I had already set for myself before I got here! EXPECTATIONS always lead to let downs, and false ideas. This lesson sometimes is not so pleasant to experience! It can leave you paralyzed in your tracks if you are holding onto expectations, because you NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU GET THERE! I learned this valuable lesson again this week, with lots of tears and feelings of despair. I talked to a great friend about me concerns. Being removed from the situation she offered her love and support that helped to snap me out of my self-created cloud of darkness. All because I thought things would be a certain way! I had decided I would be still before I even experienced what the situation called for!

Yesterday morning, I did the most literal thing I WENT FOR A RUN. This run was a symbol for me allowing myself to move and be proactive when I need to, and always knowing stillness in the mind and body is available even if I a literally moving. Running was my practice for the day. Its amazing how things come full circle, just a few days before I met Jogger Dan, an infamous 72 year old here in Woodstock who runs over 10 miles a day. He looks like he is under 50. We got into a conversation when I was serving him coffee and he looked at me and said “running is the best yoga”. I laughed. He predicted the predicament I had gotten myself into a few days before I found myself sitting at this crossroads. His words were very true, in that moment running was the best yoga for me!

*the title for the post is inspired by the song Stillness is the Move by the Dirty Projectors *

2010-05-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

There is no greater protection than a fearless heart

2010-05-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

Relaxation is Happiness

Suka & Stira

2010-05-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

As we walk across the ground, two main things propel the human body forward: friction from the earth and the tension and relaxation of individual muscles groups. This simple action allows us to get where we are going and to follow our own path. On our yoga mats we create these same circumstances. When engaged in an asana practice we create a space of non-judgmental observation through breath and awareness so we can learn from our bodies. For most of us this is very different then just walking around town.

Using asana as a metaphor for life. In order to make progress on our own life paths we must have a balanced proportion of effort and surrender. Asana is just that a balance between these two imperative components. As one hangs in utanasana (standing forward bend), the spin and upper body are surrendered to gravitational pull, the hamstrings are also in a state of flexible giving, but the quads are engaged in order to help the lengthening of the back body. This is a space where effort meets ease and again mother earth is there to support the journey.

If inbalance occurs in an asana practice or in waking life we are left in one stagnate place. Too much tension or friction can cause dense energy and the individual is stuck within his or her own evolution. On the other hand too much flexibility, and surrender can lead to a passive attitude, and one is left blowing in the breeze without purpose and aspiration.

So the question becomes, How do we use our deliberate actions on the yoga mat as a metaphor for life? When am I holing too much tension? Where am I holding to much tension? Where do I need to exert more effort? When do I surrender to the posture/situation and give it space to unfold? When do I surrender to the subtle knowledge of the breath? Are my actions purposeful and functional? How does mother earth support my process?

A State Of Flux

2010-05-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

Oh Divine Mother,

May all my speech and idle talk be mantra

All actions of my hands be mudra

All eating and drinking be the offering of oblations onto thee

All lying down prostrations before thee

May all pleasures be as dedicating my entire self unto thee

May everything I do be taken as thy worship

Anadalahari

When you seek comfort, you can seek comfort in the divine aspect of yourself.

-Swami Radha Light and Vibration: Consciousness, Mysticism and the Culmination of Yoga.

Life means leaving things behind, moving into the unknown and feeling gratitude for all we have been given. At times our minds are caught up in a state of uncertainty, wondering, wishing, projecting and expecting. What is accomplished by all of these mental activities?

THE FUTURE DOES NOT EXIST YET.

Mahabharata

WE WON’T KNOW UNTIL WE GET THERE. What we do have power over is who we want to become. The decisions we make now are who we will become, the origin of beauty if here and now.

It is up to each one of us.

~His Holiness the Dalai Lama~

I am blessed to have received a 4 and 1/2 teaching yesterday in New York City from His Holiness himself. Tears streamed down my face as he walked in front of the crowd.

Learn. Teach. Give. Serve

2010-05-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

Teaching at Bliss Yoga in Woodstock.

Om with us at 9:30 am and 11:00 am to connect with the universal power!

Lots of Light

Karma. Fate. Destiny. Right Livelihood. Light. WHAT IS

2010-05-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

One who spends time with himself, spends time with God.

- Sri Aurobindo

Woodstock...There are no accidents -Eric

2010-05-16T16:16:00.002-07:00

TRUST.

Give time, time.

If I relax I can see Divine Mother in all.

I was roaming the streets of Woodstock, NY today “looking for jobs”. I am thinking of moving here. The last four days have been nothing but density, inertia and struggle. I heard they were hiring at the toy store around the corner. Once I got over my initial egoic reaction, and realized everything serves it purpose, I decided that I would love that job NO ONE IS TO GOOD FOR A TOY STORE! I couldn’t seem to find the toy store. So I saw a little boy on a bike.

I asked him as he rode by me, “Hello, do you know where the toy store is?”

He responded, “Yes.” Looking at me with big blue eyes.

I then asked him “Could you please describe to me how to get there from here.”

He said “Well I am not so good at describing things, but I CAN SHOW YOU.” He started to pedal away, and I said “Hey not so fast!” He got off his bike and walked next to me and we continued our conversation. He asked me how long I had been in Woodstock, I said only a few hours. He laughed at me and said you have a lot to learn. He is a very wise 8-yearold. He said “there are good people, and there are bad people here and you gotta stick with the good people and I am a good person.” He then asked me what I was doing, and I told him I was looking for a job and that the toy store was hiring. He seemed excited. When we got to the toy store he asked if he could come in with me, to see if I got the job. I said sure. So we both walked in and I talked to the sales clerk. She took my information and told me to come back when the owner was there. The little boy and I both walked out of the toy store, and he says “GREAT! Now I know how to get a job.” I giggled to myself.

He then said “Ya know, my mom has a gardening company and she might want another employee.”

I began to laugh and joked “Should I call her and tell her that you hired me!?”

He said “Ummmmm, yeah!”

We were standing on the side of the road in downtown Woodstock and his Dad was biking by. He yelled “Hey, Dad!” His dad saw him and biked toward us. Austin told his dad why he was talking to me, some random girl and Austin's dad was more than helpful! He gave me his wife’s number and told me she will know some people that are hiring.

That all happened in just 15 minutes today, so one can only imagine 24 hours of incidences like that! Today has been a day to never forget, filled with divine light.

Light and Love

May we all find ourselves in the LIGHT

Beautiful

2010-05-16T16:16:00.001-07:00

Yasodhara Ashram March 2010

Kootenay Lake, B.C. Canada

Founder: Swami Sivananda Radha

"ITS STARTS HERE" -Swami Yasodananda

2010-05-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

ENERGY CRISIS

I am currently living in NYC, and the other night I attended satsang at Sivanada Vedanta Center. The Swami leading satsang was reading Swami Sivanada’s words during his satsang teaching, “…the world’s problems are a summary of all the individual problems…”

What a powerful statement! If we really dissect these words of truth and wisdom, we find that looking outside of ourselves or placing blame elsewhere to solve problems is a futile expense of energy. Swami Sivanada is saying, no more separating oneself from the issues at hand because looking at the world’s problems is like looking into a mirror. By no means is this a burden, in fact it is a gift! EACH ONE OF US HAS THE POWER TO MAKE THE CHANGE. WE ARE ALL CONNECTED TO THE WHOLE AND THE EARTH IS A REFLECTION OF HUMANITY. No more waiting around for someone or someone else to solve the problem, the solution is everyone of us.

An urgent global matter of the present and future is the energy crisis and the preservation of our rapidly disappearing resources and environment. Swami Sivanada’s words “…the world’s problems are a summary of all the individual problems…” were first published in 1951, and not published again until 2008. Our universe has a way of answering its own questions if we just listen. We are being asked to examine …

How we each expend and direct our own energy on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels?

Are we aware of how we direct energy outward and inward!?

Our current energy sources that have sustained life as we know it are diminishing with the blink of an eye. This hasty depletion poses an intimidation that a drastic life-style change is on the horizon. Is it really so intimidating? We are merely being asked to change. The consumption of these sources have also left behind a mess, that mother earth herself cannot handle. She is tapping into her innate energy and sending us warning messages that we must not wound her any longer.

What does this earthly situation reflect about how we as individuals direct our own energy? We can either expand a great deal of energy worrying about the future being trapped in the past, or we can ask ourselves, why am I worrying?

How can I find peace of mind by focusing on what I can control?

Myself, my own actions, reactions, thoughts, and speech.

Swami Sivanada’s words speak to the energy crisis we are faced with in our external reality and within our own minds and bodies. Changing one’s internal environment has a directly proportionate affect on the external environment. This change must start in our own mental and physical reality. This is the true ground of creation. We are what we see and experience there is only apparent separation.

Yogic practice builds awareness and mindfulness so we can begin to understand how we use, waste, expand and sustain energy that fuels creative and destructive cycles in our lives.

The first step to confronting this energy crisis is, LOOKING WITHIN, getting to know yourself on deep levels and cultivating compassion for others and oneself.

Ask yourself the following questions…

How do I direct energy physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

Physically…

Do I honor my body for the gift that it is?

Do I rest when I need to rest?

Am I constantly pushing myself to fatigue and neglecting my body and mind?

Do I take time for myself and to reflect on the day?

What physical manifestations do I self induce by my own behavior?

Emotionally…

Do I harbor negative emotions towards others?

Am I a grudge holder? How do these feelings affect my over all well being?

Do I have a hard time forgiving?

Do I draw boundaries for myself in relationships (friends, family, partners)?

Do I prolong negative periods in my life, because I fear change?

What commitments have I made to myself to sustain my own well being?

What activities do I engage in to raise my self-esteem and recognize my own self-worth?

Mentally…

Do I exhaust myself worrying, planning, predicting, or projecting?

Do I let my insecurities cloud my vision of the situation?

Do I hold myself to unachievable standards?

Do I appreciate myself for my gifts and talents?

Do I obsess over what is right and what is wrong?

Do I find joy in what I regularly engage in?

Do I constantly repeat the same mistakes and fall into the same traps that I have set for myself?

What practices have I set in place to uplift myself when I have fallen?

Spiritually…

Who am I? (a questioned constantly asked my Swami Radha)

What is the purpose of my life?

Do I feel deeply connected and grateful for the people, places and things around me?

What practices, activities, creative endeavors can I choose to build awareness so that I am aware of how I affect myself, others and my surrounding reality?

These are just a few questions from different perspectives. We all will have different answers to these questions, and that is an infinite number of ways to positively affect the energy crisis within your own mind and the world. If we all take care of one another and ourselves the earth will take care of herself.

Freedom is ours to hold, its just a struggle in your mind to keep your soul

-The Beautiful Girls

Swami Sivananda

2010-05-12T19:26:00.001-07:00

Reform yourself, and the world will reform itself.

Where Have All The People Gone!?

2010-05-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

Where have all the people gone?

Seems like an odd question, just look out the window, right? Only if it was that easy.

I was sitting at brunch with my family this morning and it was a typical scene eating and talking. My grandfather asked me a question, and before I could even get an answer out he had already looked the other way, and within milliseconds the conversation had already been directed somewhere else. I thought to myself ‘huh, that’s odd…why did he even ask in the first place if he was not genuinely interested in the answer!?’ I began to observe the conversation at the brunch table now, as if I were a fly on the wall. This same scenario occurred about 8 more times within the next hour. My family had not seen each other in over a year. Here I am sitting with my FAMILY, being asked loaded questions but no space was left in the conversation for answers.

When do we stop and listen?

If we cannot listen to someone else, how can we begin to listen to our self?

Do we even listen to ourselves?

Not even being able to stop for 10 seconds to listen to someone else is a clear indicator of what is going on in one’s own mind.

If we don’t listen to the self then…

How do you let people in and genuinely connect!?

If we don’t understand our own inner world and listen to ourselves how can we ever let anyone else in!?

Have you ever been at a party, and its just small talk, after small, talk after small talk. You leave feeling empty and exhausted. This is exactly why I have asked the question, where have all the people gone? We seem to be so caught up with so many things that come and go we loose sight of the fact we are all connected through our humanity. Instead we are busy thinking about…where is the waitress? I am starving! OH I love her shirt, uhhhh I have so many things to do today and this is taking so long… the endless mental chatter only continues.

So we hear these voices, so now you ask yourself…

So, what do I stop and listen to?

THE HERE AND NOW

HERE AND NOW

Allowing these thoughts to pull our emotional state all over the map detaches us from any genuine connection with the self, and therefore anyone else. This connection with the self is found in the moment in which you exist. Sounds so philosophical and great right! But realistically it requires us to stop the voices of the past and future and fully engage in the present moment. If we reside in the present then we are fully open and receptive to listen to the self and those around us. Truthful and beautiful human connection sprouts from engagement in the present.

Understanding oneself is an aim of yoga and an ever-growing process. Once a window to the self has been opened, then we can authentically connect to another person, place or thing. Before then we mechanically glide through life getting caught in the mundane reality of doing. Being trapped in the mundane reality of doing disconnects the individual from the jewel of life BEING.

So, where have all the people gone? Many of us are just not there. Consumption by our own mind can be very powerful. But by stopping and listening we can override that powerful mental consumption, with the omnipotent power of being.

YOU ARE THAT BEAUTIFUL CONNECTION.

Do not let the illusion of doing come between you and authenticity.

Test yourself when you are in a conversation with someone, anyone, a family member or the clerk at the grocery store. Stop, listen take the time to look into their eyes and allow one another to be in the present moment.

Listen to those around you. We are all connected and reflections of one another. There is a reason that, that moment has been attracted into your reality that that time!

LOVE, LIGHT AND GRAITITUDE

Space and Choice

2010-05-10T16:57:00.001-07:00

HOLD THE SPACE AND YOU HAVE THE CHOICE

The amount of information and stimulus that is poured into our senses and mind on a daily basis is unfathomable. Technology has created this catch 22 situation of providing the ability to hinder personal and universal evolution or to spread the light of healing and knowledge. This duality of hindrance and healing is present in the minds and bodies of humans as well as the entire universe. We are a reflection of the planet and the planet is a reflection of humanity, much healing needs to occur and its possible. Yes. It is possible. Recognizing the influence of our own commitment and intention to this healing is the first step to change. How do we sustain this intention of healing, light and love when so many things are pulling us up, down, and sideways? How do we make a difference in our own lives to affect those around us? How do we affect the microcosm to in turn make a change in the macrocosm?

The Wisdom of CHOICE

We have the freedom to choose what we value in our own minds and lives

"We trade our freedom for stability and comfort."

-Swami Radha

Finding clarity within allows one to contribute to reality with intention and sincerity. It takes courage to exercise the ability of choice. Choice is a physical manifestation of this freedom inherent in all of humanity. We often trade that freedom to feed this false sense of security we build outside of ourselves. There will be times when a truthful choice is not always the most popular of actions. Returning to that clarity within provides the strength and courage needed to make a choice that best supports one’s own truth and the healing of mother earth.

Freedom and free-will is one of the greatest gifts bestowed upon mankind. After recognizing the infinite energy source that every person can tap into, the power of choice becomes illumined. The power of choice is a weapon that can be strategically used to create a reality of support and joy. If neglected the weapon of choice is quickly forgotten and evolves from an influential tool into a self-destructive undertow. Leaving us gasping for breathe drowning in the seas of our own inner reality. Regaining our freedom comes from exercising the wisdom of choice that supports our own truth and clarity.

Take what you will of my word, that is purely my own experience of this world. Our own experience and connection to our own experience is the most valuable tool of self-discovery we have.

A Yogic practice to tap into that clarity within to help one choose light and love…

Sit comfortably, relax the face and jaw and allow the crown of the head to stack right over the tailbone. Deep nostril breathing stills the mind and organically adjusts posture. As you inhale repeat silently in your head SO, and on the exhale repeat HUM.

SO HUM means, I AM THAT

Ha, so now you ask HUH? I AM WHAT?

You change every second. Practicing this breathe and repetition of SO HUM allows the mind to identify with whatever it needs to be in that moment, without limiting it to a stagnate concept that cannot be true in the face of change.