Let me Get REAL WIT YOU.
What does this saying imply? that means I would have been fake to begin with. Anyways, who really knows? This is what happened to me today and its something I just cannot deny.
I walk into Barnes and Nobles with no conscious purpose. B&N just makes you want to buy a book. I start looking around, browse the biographies “Who as a more interesting life than me!?”. I purposely stay away from the spirituality section because I always go right there because that’s where I a comfortable. But not this morning I am pushing my comfort zone. It’s all about the small victories. Fiction, Art, History my eyes scan the little green signs. I stop in the cultural studies section. I pull a few books off the shelf and read the back and what not. I pull one off the shelf and open it randomly. About three quarters in it is talking about how in Germany no one fake laughs. They only laugh if they think something is really funny but no one laughs out of politeness.
Fake laughing is one of my biggest pet peeves. I always try to do it, but instead of this cute little laugh that I am trying to achieve my annoyance shines through and it ends up being this bitchy, eye rolling, shut the fuck up masked over with a false attempt of amusement. I have found that last sentence is a combination to turn anyone away quick. But I just can’t seem to help it. After all of this inner dialogue was sparked, from reading just these three sentences; I looked at the cover and decided this would be my purchase Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman.
I am not going to lie, this was the first I had ever heard of you. I left the store and went to the laundry mat. I was ready to go now, because I could READ/THINK. So here I am sitting in this laundry mat.
Got my headphones on doing my laundry mat thing. Very engaged in your book, mostly thinking… Do I agree, yes, no…this sounds like my own mental dialogue. From one thing to another, gaps and connections in a weird space, time web. Hardly linear but has the component of, dddduuuhhhh? The duuuhh factor is the first thing to be over looked. It is so simple it is hard.
On pg. 4 you ask
“What is the psychological directive that makes and unanswered question discomforting?”
Ok I have to tell you what just happened. I have been on and off binging and purging my food since I was 18 and I am 24 now. Nothing good or bad about it, it is just what is in my life. For the last two years I have been watching it. From my own experience our biggest demons in life are also our biggest gifts. Start from what you know my teacher says, and what I know is what I experience.
On pg. 4 again Errol Morris is talking about privileged access. “My mind resides somewhere inside myself. That being the case one would assume I have privileged access to it…I think we are engaged in a constant battle to figure out who we are.”
Only I can figure out, who I am. As I am writing this letter to you, I was scarfing down almond butter and jelly sandwiches. I suddenly had the worst stomach ache and all of the sudden I needed to puke. I just purged up all of the sandwiches. I can tell you one thing I have observed from when my purging arises and its when that part of myself that clings to the projection of who I am, the part of me that wants to be safe and not push and boundaries, that part that thinks it has all the questions answered and convinces me of that, that part is fighting for its life. I am all of those things and none of those things.
I now read this chain of events as a sign in my waking life that I am getting close to something that produces a plethora of unanswered questions. It’s that space of discomfort where one can break the static vortex of bondage. It is this place where I know I can get out my swipe card to privileged access.
All of this happened while reading the first four pages of your book. This is what I am trying to say with all of this babble. Who knows how one becomes at ease with unanswered questions? We will never know until we enter that space over and over again. Each time we come out of that space we ask why with curiosity and build awareness, and we still might never know. I have been on a quest for Susan Ashley Hunt for the last seven years. Time is a trippy thing, who really even knows how long, but that’s what my rational mind tells me.
I have strayed from my initial intention. Getting back to it…
Whatever I do with this life I want to prompt people and myself to meet oneself and each other in that place of ASKING WHY, that place of utter confusion. Sure enough conditioning and emotional responses will follow, but the next step can become observation and getting to know oneself resulting in equilibrium. Even as I write these words I am thinking they are crap to myself. It is so hard to explain, but I felt it and experienced it while I was reading Eating a Dinosaur.
I want to learn, grow, experience, expand.
Here it comes…
Can I please work for you!?
I have no journalism experience. I studied Hinduism and Buddhism at Trinity College. Right now I am living in Woodstock, NY and am moving back to the city in August. I want to go back to graduate school. So I think. But we all know how finicky thinking can be. I have this feeling the reason I am moving back is to work for you!
I really have no idea how you will respond to this. I just know when I teach a yoga class ( I have been teaching for 3 years now) I can tell when something is heard. Communication takes on a different quality, and its when both people are coming from that place. I can learn a great deal from you about communication. I can help you in return anyway that you need it.
1 )Coffee go getter
2) Copier engineer … I mean I really think the list is endless. Any space you have for me, would be so gratefully accepted you have no idea.
So my plan is to come and find you in NYC. I just won’t give up. I am committed to this purpose for my life of asking WHY and communication/writing is the vehicle illuminated at this time. This seems like the step that must be taken.
How about an interview?
Light, Love, and Peace
S. Ashley Hunt
