I was very honest with the love of my life a few days ago. We are no longer together. After much self-inquary I realized I love him, have always loved him. I was not in love with love but feel the realest, most balanced sense of peace and connection with him.

I told him

"I love you, I want to share my life with you. I am in a place now to give myself fully to someone and I want that someone to be you."

He looked at me, and said...

"we feel differently for one another. You are my best friend and thats how I feel."

I sat. This is my best attempt to describe the feeling in words...

I am submerged in a pool of water. I am trying to swim to the top, but instead of cupping my hands and using the resistance to move myself to the surface, my fingers are separated and everything is just slipping right through. I didn't panic or lose hope, because that true love connects me to the source of light just above the surface.

Its that love, that has kept me breathing, living and inspired. Even though the feeling is not returned, its so strong I feel connected to SOMETHING.

I have been trying to process things and my intellect can not seem to make sense of anything. No comprehension, no understanding.

The best way I have found to deal with all of the emotions without letting myself drown in them is to dance! Before I move my physical body, I ask Who Are You Ashley? I look in the mirror and watch myself move. I see in that moment. I am a dancer.

When I let myself sit and my intellect tries to make sense of the feelings "not being returned" I paralyze myself in negative mental chatter, doubt, lack of self-worth and darkness.

When I see myself move, and watch my reflection as I dance it came to my awareness that...

WHO I AM IS HOW I DEAL WITH SITUATIONS IN MY LIFE!

In this situation, I CHOSE TO BE A DANCER.